First Family Free-for-All Disturbs Capitol
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Secret Service agents responded early this morning to an emergency call from the White House Rose Garden. Upon arrival they found the President and First Lady engaged in a physical altercation involving a yellow bedroom slipper, an orange hairpiece and a half-used bottle of Gorilla Glue. An anonymous source close to the White House stated that the President became enraged when First Lady Melania Trump spilled a portion of the glue on the President's toupee after it fell into Trump's personal gilded toilet while he was tweeting.
The President reportedly called his wife "a stupid Slovenian dog" and then followed her through the family living quarters barking and growling. When he tried to bite her on the ankle Mrs. Trump took off her bedroom slipper and struck him multiple times about head and neck.
Trump fled downstairs and out into the Rose Garden followed by his wife who continued to smack him with the slipper. One witness reported her whispering over and over, "You worthless bully. Next time I use the red Christian Louboutins with six inch heels. You think Uncle Vladimir didn't teach me how defend myself from potty mouth despots." The President was later seen Googling the word 'despot' on his smartphone.
The melee lasted about ten minutes after which Sarah Huckabee Sanders appeared wearing blue flannel pajamas with pink and black penguins and Pound Puppy slippers to issue the following statement, "The actors portraying President Trump and Mrs. Trump were hired by the Clinton Foundation to make the First Family look bad in the eyes of their base. However, what the Clintons will never understand is the base loves domestic abuse, misogyny, slurs that are based on race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation and disability. The President could shoot Melania in the middle of Fifth Avenue and they would still vote for him."
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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