Dublin's New Travelling Anesthiologists

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Ireland's ongoing healthcare crisis and widespread criminality on public transport are two major problems facing the beleaguered Irish taxpayer. However, an innovative approach, based on the theory of mutualism will proverbially 'kill two birds with the one stone'.

Law avoiding citizens who use the Luas (Dublin tram network) to peddle controlled substances will be upskilled and tasked with the administration of anaesthetics to patients in transit to Dublin's overcrowded hospitals, onboard trams. The amateur pharmacologist's previous experience in the surreptitious dispensing of opiates will now be adapted for a positive use. The patient will arrive at the relevant medical facility pre-anaesthetised, ready for the operating theatre. According to passengers, most people who use Dublin's tram system end up in hospital 'sooner rather than later anyhow'.

To prevent White Coat Syndrome, the para-anesthaesiologists will be wearing sportswear and will be instantly recognisable by the syringes they carry. Payment isn't a problem, as the mobile apothecaries will usually take whatever you have. Unfortunately, contactless payment will be unlikely.

This paradigm shifting bipartite solution is the brainchild of Dr. Michael Finn and anti social worker Troy Convictus, based in Junn Quay, Dublin. The first class of repurposed addicts has passed out cum laudanum and the surviving graduates will soon be common across Dublin's tram network, putting something positive back into the lifeblood of the city. Scheme participants Doug Deeler and Owen Cash have turned their lives around, but let's hope it hasn't all been in vein.

(Article by journalist Rob Killburn of the Dublin Exterminator and award winning author of the best selling novel 'One Clue Over the Phuckoo's Nest', available at all disreputable retail stockists.)

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

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