Man-Eating Crocodile Lurking in Silver Park Lake
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A large, man-eating crocodile was spotted roving around the lake at Silver Park in Alliance, Ohio earlier this month. The reptile was initially spotted by a tiny tot (name withheld to protect the identity of the child) and her grandmother while they spent an afternoon bonding over duck-watching at the lake.
"She said 'is that a croc out there?' " reports the grandmother. "I put my glasses on and, sure as shit, it was a croc!"
They didn't stick around long after the discovery. The grandmother says she swooped up her grandchild and power-walked to her car, where she quickly buckled the child into the car seat and left without looking back.
We interviewed local visitors frequenting the park. While none of the park's patrons report crocodile sightings, they have noticed a decline in the park's duck population.
Bobby John Sue Smith, Alliance, says she comes to feed the ducks and bathe in the lake once a week.
"I come to feed the ducks and bathe in the lake once a week. I started noticing that the ducks was getting less and less in the lake the last few weeks. Last week I got all suds up and something bit my toe clean off. I ain't sayin' it wasn't a croc, but I ain't saying it was a snapper either. Actually, I am saying it was a croc." Smith peeled off her shoe (aptly, a Croc) to reveal a bandaged toe stump. "I can't get this here bandage wet," she said as she stared off at the lake, "can't bath 'till it's healed up. "
The Alliance police department and area animal control officials request that sightings of the reptile not be reported at this time. "We've got a lot of other activity happening around the town, so we're not assigning resources to this case at this time," said the police chief. He went on to add that visitors of the park should stay aware of their surroundings, and all residents of the city should walk around storm drain covers instead of over them, lest a hungry crocodile or alligator should snap up through the drain.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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