Week 4 Power Rankings
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Week 4 Power Rankings:
What a week of fantasy football gents, and all is right with the world. Anton’s Personal Space took sole possession of the first place and Brady’s Green Sweatshirt has chalked yet another win in the book. Now onto the power rankings…..
1. Brady’s Green Sweatshirt
- Just an absolute dominant win from the BGS’s. Heart, grit, and Puka Nacua having another good game were all on display in this barn burner of a matchup between dugg and pecker. Who can stop this team? None of us sure as shit cant. After the final buzzer sounded in the Seahawks vs giants game on Monday night, Duggins promptly went to Lion alone, drank 6 bottles of wine, and started robbing the local businesses of Champaign claiming immunity cause of his W. He was quickly arrested by local authorities after his 4th hit, and is currently sitting in jail waiting to post bail. He might not be able to set his lineup this week…. keep him in your prayers.
2. Anton’s Personal Space
- Dominance. That’s what I expect from my players week in and week out. Appreciate greatness while you can, cause teams like mine dont come around that often. God im hard after checking this weeks score. The APS’s are scared of no man, no team, and no manager. Tune in next week for another slaughter between the APS’s and Justin Tucker Supremacy.
3. Hock and Ball Torture
- Despite his pitiful performance, Alec still had a solid week. I would like to thank Alec’s top performers personally. Tee Higgins, thank you for sucking balls. The Eagles defense, thank you for forgetting how to play football. And Miles sanders, you finally got your make-a-wish of attempting to play in an NFL game, so thank you. After this weeks L for Alec, he attempted to bounce back and have a good night at Psi U’s semiannual barn dance. This, however, did not go too well for him as I paid everyone $30 each to not stand inside the barn, which he was clearly very upset about. Get fucked stupid puss APS’s always on top.
4. Chicago Penis Touchers
- Breen, Breen, Breen. Congratulations on this weeks W. Too bad I dont give a fuck. Remember when you Fortnite danced on me after you beat me? Well fuck you I hope you lose each week from here on out. Patrick lost some units in his ongoing bet with Yash in Mario Kart and every time he loses, he threatens to call ICE on Yash which I think is kinda fucked up, but he claims it makes him think straight. The punishments coming out of his brain for what he could make Yash do kind of makes me scared. I mean really? 1 unit and Yash has to top you off? Keep in mind he has 7.5 units right now so Breen probably doesn’t have to jerk off for a while. God knows what he plans to do with that half unit.
5. Justin Tucker Supremacy
- Anton, or should I say Lanton. Hahahahaha get fucked. Lanton got another fiery performance from his defense this week which we all clowned him drafting in the 5th round and will still continue clowning him for. I’ve had this matchup circled on my calendar since we started the draft and my boys are coming out firing on all cylinders. I just need his defense to not perform lights out like Ukraine’s defense for one week and this should be an easy dub as I continue to climb the ranks of eternal glory.
6. Rooftop Retardz
- Big switch up from the week 3 power rankings as the Tardz fell from the ceiling from their previous 1 ranking. I just know and holy shit that sketchy alarm just went off on my phone and now the libs knows my exact location. If you need me ill be with Scrumpy off at a disclosed safe house. Anyways, Ose is probably pretty upset at this drop in rankings and honestly I would be too. Just get better man, its not that hard. Fucking pussy.
7. Scrumps
- The fall from heaven. The downfall of Scrumps. At first he claimed that he wasn’t going to lose a single game, next he claimed that he wouldn’t lose another game. Back to Back L’s for the epsteins island boys. I think that makes 4 minutes in the cage? Still not convinced that he doesn’t wanna go in the cage. Who knows if hes even gonna make the ploffs at this point. In other news, please come back Joey doo, I haven’t seen you in a week and I need to see you. Starting to get withdrawals. Our love is inseparable, no matter the distance. Please come home.
8. Junion Park
- Last and definitely least is Becker. With this shitter of a team, I thought for sure he wouldn’t have a win, but somehow he has two. Breen and Ose please reevaluate your teams cause Im not incredibly sure how you lost to this team. I think its also deep enough into the season to start a new segment: the Fraud of our league. In the first addition, Becker takes the crown. 489 points scored through 4 weeks in an 8 man league? Jesus Christ Becker. Duggins gets the pass on this one cause hes 1-3, not 2-2. I would also like to give an honorable mention to Joey Doo because of his ability to outscore Becker by a grand total of 0.7 points. Good job Joey doo, you saved yourself some shame.
Let’s have another great week of some football gents. Lets not forget this is all jokes so dont take any of it to heart like a puss ah? If anyone needs me ill be scrubbing the shit water off the floors of my room.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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