Turns out Satan made School
Thursday 09 April 68913 Shares
We at Aperture Labs strive to give you all the new and bizarre news that normal news won't give due to them being paid off by the government. After day 73 of hiding underground from special forces operatives our top minds have made an incredible discovery, School was created by Satan. It turns out that, while in a conference about a dog named Brian who'd gone to Hell and a man called dog who kicked Brian to death who had gone to heaven, a demon was looking out the window at the fake schools they had set up to bore and beat people and thought that perhaps it would be a good idea to 'upgrade' normal schools. After relaying this information too Satan he contacted the government and said that if they let him replace all the schools, which up till then had been quite fun, they wouldn't have to pay the teachers. The government (obviously) accepted and all schools were replaced with sad, depressing houses of doom. It is a known fact that teachers used to hit the children but this has mostly stopped however its small things like this that prove schools were created by Satan, the boring way they teach you, the punishment, the fact they used to beat kids (they had stop otherwise people would have gotten suspicious) and all the other ineffective teaching methods and pointless subjects that you are made to do. We were even able to take a picture of an unprepared teacher in a staff room to show you and prove that the teachers are actually demons, minions of the devil who work only to help who feast upon the souls of tortured beings. Next time your in school and it feels like its sucking the life out of you, that's because it practically is.